The "Colours" of Life

2008-01-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

What a touching video

2007-10-02T18:17:00.002-07:00

Here are some videos that I chanced upon on line this morning. Tell me what you think!
I love the Gecko one..

Why I love my baby so much..

2007-09-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

Colin: Eh Janice, the word is: He is or he are a person

Janice: he is a person

Colin: Oh ok...then bu shi he was a person meh?

Janice: No?

Puss: Who uses was. Na ge ren dou hai mei you si.

Colin: Orh! Cos tomorrow I have to write a formal letter, then scally I dont know to write then my secretary say woah..how come my sales manager so jialat one! Cannot even spell properly.

Lloyd: Don't worry Colin, you is fine.

*fainted*

Lloyd: You is the can.

Janice: What the hell does that mean?

Lloyd: Le si eh sai eh...

Janice: -_______________________-

Project Siaoness

2007-08-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

I've just finished my lecture. I really wish that this current project could end quickly and spare my group mates and I the agony of rummaging through books just to find something to surprise him.

"Find something to surprise me."

What kinda of farking surprise do you want sia? I take off my top in the middle of class to surprise you can? LOL... My poor group leader is feeling rather jaded now after all the work that he has done to keep us on track. We are so close to our deadline. I guess I just need that final push to complete the ppt and hopefully he will be pleased with our presentation.

Gonna head to the library tmr to see what I can find and then it will be wakeboarding with Heinz and Jamie on Saturday! I miss the sea and I am really looking forward to the weekend boat trip.

BB just installed a new stand for his sound system and just to test it out, I blasted one of the rock songs in his car. My ear nearly fell off..

Then he said, "Bee with this stand the sound is not meant to be blasted."

Thanks for telling me earlier lor.. Its been almost 20minutes since I got out of the car and left ear is still hurting. Power blaster man.. beware!!!!

Happy 24th Birthday to me!

2007-08-24T23:42:00.001-07:00

Wow, 24 years old. I can't believe that I have reached the age where people no longer look upon your mistakes as an opportunity to teach you something new. Now everything that you do wrong is "Your fault!"

I think I have gotten used to being given chances that I have started to rely on them. Either way, I think its time that I get my life back into place. Got 2 important interviews next week with good career prospects. I have to get back my independent self and do everything it takes to succeed.

I think that I have the determination to carry on in life. However, influence is a big factor that I have to eliminate. Gotta have more faith in myself and trust the judgements that I make.

Too many times have I beaten myself silly for every small mistake that I make.

*even playing quadrapop on my phone pisses me off cos I keep bashing myself mentally just for slotting the wrong brick into a different part of the puzzle*

Janice has to learn to cool down and take things easy while building up the confidence that she has lost.

*Sometimes I wish I could stop smoking cos I think that inhalation of toxic smoke really affects your mind and the speed that cognition takes place*

Basket...I am so tied up with thoughts of my school project that I am even using the bloody word cognition in my blog! WTH~

Happy Birthday Gracie!

2007-08-11T23:49:00.000-07:00

We just celebrated Grace's birthday last week. A nice cosy dinner at Sakura with an awesome game of Taboo at The Tea Party. This is the first time that I have met all of her friends and the whole outing definitely turned out to be better then expected. 12 years of friendship between us, it seemed like so long ago when me and grace first spoke on the bus. I remembered that it was our first few days at St Margaret's Secondary School. We were on the bus 855 heading home after a long day. As the bus reached MacRitchie Reservoir, we introduced ourselves and started up a friendly conversation. (I have no idea why it took so long for us to talk, considering the journey from Farrer Road all the way to MacRitchie double bus stop)

Apparently my best friend in primary school (who is also her neighbour) told her about me and vice versa. Thats why we were sorta keeping our eyes peeled for each other.

Haha! So thats how it is. Every 8th of August, I will celebrate my letter-writing-identical-Nike-bag-carrying-I-am-crazy-about-spaghetti-tops-Mambo-night-siao girlfriend's birthday.

Happy 24th girl! Love ya!

Update on Inoriz

2007-08-11T23:24:00.000-07:00

As you guys know, Inoriz has flown off to Perth with her husband leaving me here all alone. *Sobz* Since then, Inoriz has been spending her time at home taking care of Benji,Chiyo and Kelly while volunteering her services at the Animal Hospital which she wil frequent more often when she starts school there. Another important note to add is that Inoriz is heavily pregnant now! With just 6 weeks to popping, there are lots of things in store for her. Due to the rise in property prices, Inoriz and Glen are desperately looking for a new home so that she can settle down in time to give birth to Rachel. Yes! Its a baby girl! A baby girl who kicks and punches her stomach with such strength that her mummy can see her stomach moving! Rachel is named after Rachel Karen Green in FRIENDS, aka Jennifer Aniston.

When Glen flew off for Australia, Inoriz killed time by watching FRIENDS and after a while she got hooked onto the show! Jennifer Aniston became her dream idol with a body that she would die for. So with sheer determination, Inoriz started a fitness regime, got her hair trimmed, rebonded and exercised her way to health.

Her stunning change in appearance really inspired me to do something for myself as well.

It was hilarious when she told me that after that drastic change, Glen didnt know notice a difference at all! I don't know if that is called love or just utter blurness.

After a simple and cosy wedding reception at the Carlton Hotel, Glen returns to Australia shortly after that to get things ready for his newly-wed wife to come over.

Now, Inoriz is living happily in the country of her dreams. Eventhough things are really rough at the moment, I am sure that she will hang in there and get through it all. I cant wait to see my granddaughter! Can't wait to shower her with all the little gifts when she flies back at the end of the year.

I AM OFFICIALLY A GODMA!

Ask and you shall receive..but maybe not

2007-04-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

If you ask me, I might tell you. But I just dont know where to begin. Thats why I never look you up when things happen. My mind is filled with images, illusions and an ocean filled with words. I can hide it with a smile, but it never lasts long. I can never hide my emotions, neither can i describe how I'm feeling. Maybe i could hold your hand and transmit how i feel to you, then maybe you will understand. Have you ever imagined yourself being hung on by a noose around your neck? Can your weight pulling your body down and the noose cutting into your flesh, covering your chest and shoulders with blood? Swinging lifelessly in a prison cell, as the pain gets more intense. You shed tears of hurt and not pain. you could just shoot yourself in the head to end it all. But you chose the noose. why? cos you love the pain. You hope that the pain will help to release all your angst and hurt that keeps banging against your ribcage, longing to be released. You laugh to yourself as the pressure rushes to your head. Think you look ugly? Yes you do. Fucking ugly..

death is the only solution to end all pain

2007-04-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm bleeding. slashedthe wounds open again. This only happens when the people i truly love hurtme. Is there something wrong with me? I don't know. Escapismfrom the pain through the presence of blood. Don't try to take the blade away from me. It feels good against my skin. Slicing through my flesh..Escapism. I don't know what else to do.

Jumping seems like the only answer right now. Whats wrong with me? There is always something wrong with me. I have faults that I can never correct. No matter what I do, I'll never be the perfect person that you want me to be. You make your requests sound so simple, but yet I find it hard to do. I wish I was alone in this world where I dont have to answer to anyone. I know you mean well, but I cant seem to compromise.

I dont want to hurt you anymore. I just want to leave. Please let me go. I know that I will miss you if I walk out the door, because I love you. But I dont want to cause you more pain. I rather destroy myself then to make you cry.

In this world, all I can ever wish for is the day that I can do things to make you smile and not shed tears ofpain. I appreciate you and I will always greet you every morning with a cheery voice in hope that I will get the same reaction in return. Now I know that eventhough you maybe smiling at me, your heart is bleeding inside. Let me go.. it will be better for all of us this way.

If I can never be the daughter that you want, there is no use keeping me here.

Long time no see!

2006-12-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I've "penned" something down. First of all, I hope that everyone is okay and coping well with the ups and downs in life. Since school has started I've been really busy and the stress build up is amazing. For some reason, when you are really busy with something, other stuff will start wiggling its way through and piling themselves on top of the already huge workload that you are struggling under.

Work seems okay as I get lots of comic relief from my collegues. I have been out with them twice so far. Although there are little spats that occur during these outings, everything seem to work out fine in the end.

Through various talks, jokes and squabbles with them, I learnt a lot about myself and about things that I have been avoiding for a while. It hurts to have to look at the past but in some ways, I guess it depends who you are talking to about it. If the person is understanding enough the process is definitely less painful. Otherwise, you would be much better off slitting your wrists and hanging yourself from a tree. lol...

Well, its time to knock off from work now. Gonna head for bike class now.

Will try to leave drop a note here again tmr.. cheers :)

I am 100% Bipolar

2006-10-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

You Are 100% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life.

Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

Are You Bipolar?

Took this test today after coming home from lecture and submitting my final assignment...and yes.. I am Bipolar. 100%. I guess that was not surprising for me because all the options that they gave do apply to me. I wonder if that's going to be a problem if I ever find a boyfriend. LOL..we'll wait and see :) The event is finally over and we made a hell of a lot of money over the past 4 days. I stayed home to finish up my assignment before heading to class. Now its down to research for the next project that is due in a few weeks. Merg's birthday is coming up next monday and Inoriz and I are going for the marathon at the civic plaza this saturday. Hope we can make it through the full 3 hours! Its gonna be so much fun! Will be meeting Merg for dinner after that (without bathing first). Merg is gonna faint maan...LOL

Can't wait to see her this weekend. After that I am thinking switching off my mobile. So that I can get down to some serious studying. No more playing around. I think the phone is a distraction cos I still get messages from LeeK. Don't think I wanna see him anymore, but on the other hand, he is the only guy that I have gone out with after cutting away from the boys and markie...thinks...... ah ya..worry about that later...dont feel like thinking abt emo stuff now.

Nite nite girls..Oh yeah Inoriz is going window shopping for a wedding dress tmr..lets she wat treasures she can find! :)

Wedding dress search 2006

2006-09-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

Tired and totally drained at 10.06pm in the evening at Inoriz mum's place. It has been a whole day of walking around in heels in search for all the bridal stuff for her wedding. It's a real bummer that we do not have a car that we can drive around in. We had to take the bus around to our destinations that really took up a lot of the time.

Mum found this excellent bridal shop who had such a nice lady boss who was willing to fit whatever we needed into the budget that we required. So this is the deal that we got: -

1 wedding gown
1 bridesmaid gown
2 day make up for Inoriz and me
2 hairdos for Inoriz and me
1 Bridal car deco

Total: a smashin price of 750 quid!!

Amazing! Although the lady boss was a little pushy on asking us to put down a deposit (as all of them do), her customer service and friennly disposition did not waiver even when Inoriz told her that she was not likely to put a deposit down today. In fact she still brought us up to the second level where there was a whole array of bridal gowns to choose from! She threw in a complimentary bridesmaid gown just for me with no extra charge man! Where can you find such good deals man? If you were to go to any other shops in tnajong pagar or IMM the gown alone would cost you at least 1K!

Inoriz wants to use the com.. bye *gets booted out of chair*

Back to School for Julz

2006-09-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

It's the end of another week. A full week that I have been home since Inoriz came home. I start school on Tuesday next week. I was once ready and all geared up to start studying again and to do my best. But all the emotional turmoil that I have been through these past few months makes it really hard to climb back out of the hole that I've fell into. I'm unstable again. Went back to mutilation once this week which helped a little. LeeK cancelled on me twice this week at last minute notice, without giving an explanation or reason. On the last cancellation, I was totally ticked off. I understand if you have your own commitments, but at least have the decency to call or msg a sincere apology. I am not someone who is going to be at your back and call.

Received a message from him yesterday about wanting to make it up to me this monday. I thought long and hard about it. School starts on Tuesday for me and I am not going to f*** it up and hit the lecture hall all sleepy and tired the next day. So I turned him down. Rejection. It feels great to reject someone when you are upset with them. Sort of a tit for tat kinda situation.

Went to Inoriz mum's place yesterday and learnt how to cook fish porridge! After dinner we sat down to talk about Inoriz marraige plans as well as her academic plans which she hopes to get funding for. Lulu has a piano recital in school this wednesday. That girl is awesome. She has barely gotten her grade 2 and she can play a grade 8 piece with such ease! I really admire her. There's a child prodigy right there. I did her hair for her and tried out Inoriz wedding hairdo as well. I love doing elegant hairdos for my friends. I have always been very amazed with the different styles that hairstylists come up with for their clients as well as the exorbident prices that one has to pay to get it done.

I hope to be able to master more styles so maybe next time I can do budget hair and make up services for teens prom night for the extra cash during my free time.

Inoriz is back!

2006-09-13T18:11:00.000-07:00

It was a mad rush in the morning to get all my stuff packed into my blue duffel bag. After "sectioning the clothes to the left side of the bag to cushion my toiletries, I had just enough room to force my baby pillow and my stuffed piggy into the bag. (Almost had to sit on the bag to zip it close) Dad came to pick me up from work and we drove back to her place to pick up all my belongings. I have to admit that I have gotten used to staying in Jo's place, I actually began to like it there. But now I have to move again. I am going to miss the kids for sure.

Upon reaching her house, I ran upstairs to collect my stuff. (Dad is pretty impatient when it comes to waiting for people *sniggers*) I swung open the metal gate, pranced to the bedroom door(almost tripping over Kelly) and fumbled for the lights. *flick* there were the 2 yelping kids jumping up and down with excitement to see me. I carefully took one step into the room and peered around the cupboard...clean floor...newspapers all messed up...but pee and poo all in the pee tray! YEESS! Good job kiddos! I leap over to the bed, grabbed my duffel and my big pillow ( yes, I brought 3 pillows with me) and headed out the door with Inoriz grandma shouting questions after me.

Inoriz is getting married!

2006-09-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have never really taken the idea of Inoriz moving away to Aussie very seriously. I guess deep down inside I really don't want her to leave. I wish she and Nad can just stay here, but her dream has always to be a vet and aussie is the only place which is cost effective for her to obtain her degree. She always talks about getting me to go over there to do my masters and that I can live together with her and Nad. but my dream is to do my masters in England or Sweden.

When she told me her marraige plans this morning, I couldn't help but tear. She is for real this time. She is really leaving. I could not bring myself to feel happy for her, for my own selfish reasons. I love you girl...I guess at the end of the day, I will still be have to accept it.

Inoriz in Aussie

2006-09-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

It has been two weeks since I've moved into Inoriz place to take care of the kids. She is coming back tomorrow and daddy is gonna pick me up from work so that we can go back to her place to get all my lugguage and to head pack home.

These 2 weeks have really open me up to the life of Inoriz. I really admire her, living all alone with just her pets for company. Cooking in a kitchen that she tries so hard to keep clean but ends up getting messed up when she comes home. Now I know why she gets depressed so easily and why nad and the kids mean so much to her.

Within the first few days, I was really homesick and it was quite disorientating, waking up in a room that was not mine. I would pine for home all through the day and it was really upsetting to come back to all the little presents on the floor that the kids left for me while i wasn't around. There were different points in the day that I would feel like breaking down and I would call Merg to wail. When i walk the dogs at night, I would be quite afraid and paranoid because her place is really quite. I only feel safe once I get back into her room.

On some days, Benji's bladder likes to play tricks on me, which would mean that I would have to wake up at 3am to clean up his pee and at 5am to clean up his poop. Chiyo is still the little angel as ever. I love her so much...that cute little darling. Kelly is starting to warm up to me and she sleeps by my feet every night.

My cash flow has gone all the way down and I dont have much supplements left to keep me going for the rest of the month. The only good thing is that I have paid off a huge part of the debt that I owe mum. Probably next month I can start saving for my bike.

A Sunday at the beach with Merg

2006-09-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

">After a slumber night cum drinking session for 2 at polem's place, I woke up at 11 plus on a sunny sunday morning. Actually...bolted up would be more like it. Cos I messaged Merg at 4 plus in the morning when i returned home and told her that I would meet her at Harbourfront at 12noon. Knowing Merg, amongst the 3 of us she is the one who is always punctual and I really didnt want to make her wait. So I grab the phone and calle d her, but guess wat! THE WOMAN STILL SLEEPING LEI! NEBER PICK UP PHONE :D so i dozed off, till beanie messaged me to call godma. Well anyway, I met Merg for duck rice at harbourfront and we headed to the beach after that. But once we got into the bus at the interchange, IT STARTED TO RAIN AGAIN! merg, i swear that it has got something to do with you. Everytime we go to the beach sure kena. LOL.. But God decided to be nice and gave us good strong sunrays for close to an hour so that we can tan our legs before it started pouring again.

For some funny reason, there were many penguins around at the beach today. Don't care much to see penguins around when I am just trying to have a nice relaxing weekend at the beach. We had the "honour" of sharing the bus shelter with a whole cohort of them who were playing penguin on the lousy stereo while one of them happily sprayed on cologne in the already stuffy and conjested bus shelter.

This is the reason why I dont like them. They raise rowdy and noisy seedlings who grow up to be crazy idiots who spend their entire lives drinking, screwing and gettin jiggy in clubs while the other half spend their time selling food at their parents hawker stalls to get just a little cash to do all that bullshit again. They do all the stuff that is frowned upon but when they see dogs they grab their behinds and run for their lives. Where is the logic in that?

A Tuesday morning..Finally decided to pen something down.

2006-08-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

It has been a month and a half since i have written something here. I admire Tag, Inoriz and Merg for updating their blogs so frequently. Just a week after my last entry, Tag was like, "Hey, update your blog." Lol...I was like, "Ok I will", but only took action now. Heehee *wiggles butt in your face*

I will try to sum things up as much as i can yeah? Sorry if this entry is really long.

We celebrated Tag's birthday @ NYDC. The baked rice is so so so so yummy. I was so tempted to order one whole plate by myself but Merg and Tag warned me not to. *Dont know how they managed to make me listen to them* MMMmmm...I can still smell the melted cheese that sips into the fine grains of rice, releasing the fragrant aroma of heaven. Sigh..its so unfair that some people can eat 3 meals a day, not exercise and not get fat. As for me, when I eat 2 meals and take my supplement, I PUT ON WEIGHT!

My target for the end of the month was that I was suppose to bring my weight down by 5kg. But I am still stagnant!!! I was making head way the week before I met up with the girls. All 3 of them can vouch on that. I was hardly eating (cos I had no appetite), I was running my arse off and taking my supplements regularly.

Everyday I would wail to Tag that I cant seem to get any cooked food into my system. The body seems to be rejecting anything that has oil in it. It was a little worrying, but I was comforted at the same time because I knew that there was nothing in there that would make me fat. Cos there is literally nothing there!

The wind...the truth that kills

2006-07-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

After lunch I went to my smoking point for my usual smoke break. The smoking point is where i go to whenever I answer calls or just need to take a breather from work. Nowadays, i got there to think of Kai.

The wind was exceptionately strong today and the weather was clear and fine. I stood there...alone..as the wind skimmed my sleeves and danced lightly on my skin. I closed my eyes and let the force of the wind push me back slightly... it was just like riding with Kai on his bike.. I knew he is not mine and will never be mine.

A tear rolled down my cheek.. this is eating me up inside, killing my very soul, but I will not breathe a word. He is a close friend and that's as far as it gets. Even if the truth kills me from within, my lips will be sealed forever..

The One with Inoriz License

2006-07-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

Came into the office early today and spent the entire time before lunch setting up my blog. Fangs helped me with the html stuff in order to get the blogskin settled properly and she is really good at it! Admire her patience in helping me to get it done. Thanks girl! *winks*

Inoriz passed her driving license yesterday! So proud of her! That girl is always so negative when it comes to something that she has failed in previously. Her determination in weight loss is amazing. If only she could apply that to other aspects of her life.

The day before her driving test

SMS: "Very good, its pouring @ 4-5pm now. So chances r, tmr this time also will pour. Wich is my driving tet time wich i will fail. Yay! May be God dnt like me."

and the day after the test...

SMS: "Kal me asap"

*I was on the phone with Merg then.. a few seconds later*

SMS: "Oi! Y ur hp cant kal thru one?"

and that was when I knew she passed. Am really proud of you girl. Now we can take the kids to the beach!

We had dinner that day. Sirloin Steak at S11. It wasn't too bad, just simple and nice. After that, we went for a little walk and sat on the stone bench near Jubilee to talk. Inoriz and I will never run out of things to talk about. We an jsut go on and on till the point that every time we have to go home, we just dont want to leave.

Inoriz and I were buddies from secondary school. We drifted apart when I had to stay back in sec 3 and have not spoken since then. Until our principal's funeral about 2 years ago. It is a very morbid way to rekindle a friendship, but that funeral brought us all back together. Merg, Inoriz, Tag and Julz.

Although, Inoriz did not hang out with Tag and Merg in school, we still hit it off when we went for drinks and a bit after the funeral. Things have escalated after that, as we had more meet ups, sleep overs at my place and KTV and steamboat session on our birthdays.

6 years of hiding it all

2006-07-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

Never thought much about you when we first met. Just thought that you were crazy and so bloody noisy and irritating. We became friends when I called you up one fine day because I was feeling like really lousy.

You picked me up slowly with all your words of encouragement. It was amazing how the tone of your voice soothe me. I could sit there all day just listening to you talk.

We got closer day by day. At times I would get really irritated with you because you and your bunch were not taking rehearsals seriously and were making everything out to be a joke. I would fight to be serious but after a while, I gave in and decided that if you can't beat them, join them.

That was a decision that I never regretted. It brought us all closer together and I have to admit that rehearsing a play your way is better then my way. You would always say "Relax ah", which is true. Not everything in life has to be taken seriously.

By the second production, I knew that that was when i was in trouble. I noticed myself taking more interest in the things you do, watching the way you work, laughing at all the jokes you made. You were always singing whereever you go. If you were not cracking silly jokes, you were singing.

That night, I saw you pull her onto your lap. I watched behind the curtains, refusing to believe it. Why were you guys so close? Then she finally told me one day that you guys were secretly attached. I accepted it because she is a darling friend and I loved her a lot. So I let it go..

But feelings kept resurfacing, everytime we were hanging out, everytime you sang to me, everytime you called me.

After a while, you started to have quarrels and disagreements with each other. There were so many external factors that were affecting your relationship that you wish you could just push away.

You would call me late at night and tell me how you felt. You never knew how many times I cried over the phone just listening to how hurt you were. I always told you," I want you to be happy. I don't like to see you upset cos it makes me really sad too." I would do anything just to see you smile.

You loved her so much that you wanted to take her to concerts and nice places, eventhough you didnt have the budget for it. I would loan you whatever you needed, even if it meant that I had none for myself. Anything that would make you happy.

The last straw was when we had to act opposite each other. I could never fully concentrate and look deep into your eyes because I was afraid that you would know how I feel. Every waking hour, every single rehearsal was torture. When we kissed, I was in total shock. I was so afraid that I would forget my lines. I would never forget the feeling of your lips on mine. So soft and tender...

To blog or not to..

2006-07-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have blogged. If you know me, I was once very against blogging as I felt that it is like exposing your personal diary to the whole world. But slowly I got the hang of it.
When I feel the strong urge to blog, its usually isnt good as it would probably mean that I might not be doing so well.

Unlike Inoriz, my blog tends to be more depressing. Love reading her blog though. Its full of passion and her use of words animates the whole reading experience. I hardly reading anyone elses blogs cos I cant seem to get over the concept that it is very private and not meant to be "flipped through".

Another thing about blogs is that, due to its easy accessibility, it has caused a lot of problems between people. For one, in school I would always hear friends and people around me going "Do you know what ***** said on her blog? she said ****** *** ***. I mean wat the f*** man! Who does she think she is!"

And then, people start getting upset with each other and not wanting to talk to each other etc.

Get the drift?

Lets hope I nor you will have to fall into that situation anytime soon yeah? :)